1. I'm not British. Oh how lovely to have a proper English accent or a charming Scottish brogue and a sharp, dry wit! I'd get to call people bloody gits and watch brand new episodes of "Doctor Who" and live to a soundtrack of Franz Ferdinand, the Fratellis and the Arctic Monkeys and other cool bands that I've never even heard of because I'm on this side of the Pond. I'd walk on the moors and then have a spot of tea and be inspired by great authors and maybe haunt an old castle by a loch. But I can't do that as an American. I'd just be a poser.
2. I'm a poser. I enjoy using foreign slang. I have an alter ego who gives cheerful customer service and answers the phone. I sometimes wear a University of Oregon hat, as if I ever went there.
3. I don't know any goats. What life is complete without a goat friend?
4. I haven't had my distemperament shot. This should probably be major problem #1, since it would explain why I'm such a grumpy git. This vaccine--in dogs, at least, according to a slightly ignorant customer at work--dramatically changes one's temperament. It's what creates loyal dogs from crazy puppies, or what turns sweet young dogs into vicious beasts. I guess this explains why vaccination protocols can be such a contentious subject.
5. I haven't had my distemper shot, either. Maybe I've already caught the virus. I might be the first human case on record. I feel a little funny.
6. I can only grow cacti and now one of them has gnats.
7. I'm completely mental and should be banjaxed.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
8. No one leaves comments on my blog anymore. I miss Stig.
9. Arrgghh! I'm being swarmed by gnats!
Post a Comment